You may have noticed my collage is missing the year 2023. That year was extremely hard for me because it was the year I was officially diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety. To this day I still have no idea what triggered it but it was extremely difficult to navigate the trauma I was reliving and the fresh diagnosis I had just received. A lot of that year was spent in the bed, crying a lot, barely eating, and skipping out on work despite the bills that needed to be paid. I spent a lot of that time pushing away the people closest to me believing that if my mental health was too much for me to handle then it would be a burden for them too.

If you’re reading this and you’re a person struggling with a mental health condition, I want you to know that you are not alone. You are MORE than worth the space you hold on this Earth, no matter how lost or stuck you may feel🫂. Talk to the people around you about how you feel even if they might not fully understand. Maybe it’s something you needed to say out loud so you’re able to hear it and process it. Maybe that means getting a journal and not only writing about what happened and how you’re feeling about it, but also digging deeper into where those feelings are rooted from and dissecting the very first time you felt that way.

As much as I want to convince the world and myself that the entirety of my modeling journey started with a love for the art, the passion only truly began in the darkness of what I was going through. It’s in that darkness that I was able to rediscover myself and I believe that without it my life wouldn’t be the same today. It’s because of this that I’m choosing to be vulnerable and share small snippets of my journal from 2023. I hope my story is able to reach others who are struggling and for those who are struggling right now, there will be resources linked below to help. There will also be links below for those that would like to donate.

“You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop” - Rumi

Resources

  • A community-based non-profit that addresses the needs of those living with mental health challenges.

    DONATE HERE

  • Provides 24/7 crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTQ young people.

    DONATE HERE

  • Offers various ongoing support groups that are free, confidential and open to all individuals affected by mental health challenges.

    DONATE HERE

Crisis Text Line: 741741

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988

NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264

My 2023

  • 08/29/23

    “Life is just too much sometimes & yet I’m still here. I don’t know if it’s because I’m here for a reason or if this really is just my own personal hell”

  • 08/30/23

    “I just wish everything could be clear cut and simple, but is there really happiness in that or is happiness found in the unpredictable and complex”

  • 09/01/23

    “I’m definitely stopping myself. I feel like I have a huge chance of being someone great and I want everyone else to see it too..”

  • 09/04/23

    “I think the biggest thing holding me back has always been being afraid to open up to the world, giving it my all and then being rejected for who I am”

  • 09/15/23

    “If one day, one small decision leads me to exactly where I want to be in life then I’m going to keep making a bunch of small decisions to get there”

  • 10/03/25

    “On the first of the month I finally applied to a modeling agency”

  • 10/06/23

    “All things are working for my good because he is intentional. I’m sealing that and putting full faith that God will use this season to project me forward in ways I couldn’t even imagine”

  • 10/07/23

    “No one knows how lost I’ve been this year. No one knew how deep my depression ran and I pray I never have to experience that again.”

  • 10/10/23

    “I can’t wait to start my vision board for next year, because next year everything I want will be within my grasp and the only thing that will be left for me to do is reach out and grab it”

  • 10/16/23

    “I felt isolated during a time when I needed people to be around me, be there for me, and help me to learn to laugh and smile again, not tear me down even more”

  • 10/20/23

    “I have to be able to allow God to use me as a vessel to help better the lives of the people around me and then eventually over time begin to heal the world”

  • 10/24/23

    “I forgot to write yesterday, but for it to be my first day back to work..it was actually good”

  • 10/24/23

    “I feel like right now I’m going through a death of my past self and making room for God to rebuild better in my life”

  • 11/06/23

    “And to the older and wiser version of me that might read this; you are enough, you are loved, and you are strong. Keep going, keep pushing, and I’m proud of you”

  • 11/15/23

    ”I’ve been feeling nothing but discouraged lately. When I finally got to a point where everything seemed to be going great, it all went downhill again”

  • 12/22/23

    “Even if things don’t go right today, it’s only the first step and I have the confidence to do what it takes to make my dreams come true”